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AM’s 2010 Summer Movie Preview Part 2: The Month of June

2010/06/10

This Handful Are Already Out:

Get Him To The Greek: Apparent Plot:  That crazy rock star side-character from Surviving Sarah Marshall, needs to get to some gig, but he’s so irresponsible they have to send the guy from SuperBad to get him there!  Pros: It doesn’t appear all of the jokes are about bodily functions or drug use, necessarily.  Probable Cons:  I really, really liked Surviving Sarah Marshall, except for two things:  Jonah Hill and Russell Brand.  HEY HEY!  Let’s mash ’em together! Outlook: I may actually make a concerted effort to never watch a minute of this, no matter what anybody tells me, which is going to be difficult in six months when it’s on Comedy Central five times a day.

Marmaduke: Apparent Plot:  That giant Great Dane cartoon strip now has the voice of Owen Wilson.  Pros: Having seen a disproportionately high level of ‘talking cartoon animal’ movies in the last few years, and finding I actually enjoyed Alvin and The Chipmunks (the first one, let’s be clear), and loved Underdog, I have learned to not judge this category by gut reaction alone.  Cons: That doesn’t mean this isn’t going to suck, and be unbearable to sit through.  And Owen Wilson’s voice for ninety minutes is not what I picture as ‘soothing’.  Outlook: I will see this, it’s inevitable with the children, however it appears with this one I will be graciously afforded the comfort and escape routes available in my home.

Splice: Apparent Plot: Some scientist or team of scientists has decided to play god and create new life cloned together from the DNA of humans/aliens/alligators/the bald girl from that horrid first Star Trek movie in ’78 and a mongoose in order to create a hot goth girl with bad teeth and a tail.  Surprisingly, it looks like it starts killing everything.  Pros: It can’t be worse than Alone In the Dark, can it? Probable Cons: This stars Adrian Brody, who won a freaking Oscar a few years back, and has followed it up with one worse script choice after another, like some weird splice of Nicolas Cage and Mira Sorvino (Ha!  Splicing joke!  Get it?) and this doesn’t look to be the one that’s gonna turn that corner.  In addition, this looks like a story cobbled together from remnants of rejected Species sequels.  Outlook: I will most definitely watch at least 40 minutes of this when it shows up on Instant Watch in 7 to 9 months.

And Coming Soon:

The A Team: Apparent Plot: It’s a revamp of the freaking A-Team, with better actors (save for Mr. T) and a huge ass budget!  Pros:  There’s going to be plenty of explosions, and schemes, and hopefully one scene of equipping the van with lead shields behind the windows.  Probable Cons:  There most likely won’t be much in here for those who enjoy subtlety, logic, or story.  Outlook:  Oh hell yes I’m going to make time for this!  It might be the perfect summer movie, for those of us that like things blowing up – and sometimes checking my brain at the door is exactly what I want to escape the heat.

The Karate Kid:  Apparent Plot: It’s a remake of the original, but seemingly quite different in setting and execution – it looks a little more serious, and that’s not a negative  Pros:  Jackie Chan looks fantastic in the Mr. Miyagi role, the fight scenes look really effective, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, Jaden Smith looks like a fine choice for this film.  Probable Cons:  I’m really not seeing many from what I’ve read and seen.   Possible exception might be if the trailers are being cut in a manner that hides relative newcomer Smith’s shortcomings, but I sincerely doubt it.  Outlook:  This is the one movie my entire family has been talking about the last two months, the marketing is really well done, it’s a great property to relaunch, and barring a total trashing of the original themes and outcome, this is going to be one of the biggest movies of the summer.

Jonah Hex: Apparent Plot: This is an adaptation of a 10th level DC Comics property set in the old west about a gunfighter arisen from the dead to wreak vengeance on those who have wronged him.  Pros:  Josh Brolin is a fantastic talent, and the source material is offbeat and revered in its specific circles.  Probable Cons:  I can’t imagine watching Josh Brolin talk with that mangled face for two hours and not being distracted by it, Megan Fox is in this – and she’s a limited-talent at best idiot, and Westerns just generally don’t fly if they aren’t masterpieces.  Outlook: I don’t see this doing very well against a lot of competition in the month.  It may have some life on video, but it appeals to a very marginalized section of the already-marginalized comics community at its core.  I don’t feel any excitement about this, and don’t see myself ever getting around to watching it any time, any where.

Toy Story 3:  I’m not going to bother with a breakdown here.  I’m going to see it, you’re going to see it.  It will be good stuff, like most all Pixar is (Cars excluded, personally).  Let’s not even bother fighting it.

Grown Ups:  Apparent Plot:  Five guys who won a grade school basketball championship get together 30 years later to, I don’t know, pee in public pools and stuff?  Pros:  It’s rare that I don’t find ChrisRock immensely entertaining when in smaller roles, when he gets to be more unchained. Kevin James is inexplicably mesmerizing playing watchable lumps of men. It’s been awhile since Adam Sandler did something this broad, which is traditionally his strong suit.  Probable Cons:  Sandler misses the mark with these broad comedies as often as he hits them, and the misses are devastatingly off (That Zohan mess was completely unwatchable).  But more importantly, Rob Schneider and David Spade are not to be entrusted with your money, ever.  In the trailer alone, Schneider french-kisses a seventy-year old, and Spade uses the word ‘grody’.  Outlook: Big dumb comedy combined with all-stars-of-the-genre means this is going to make some bank at the box office.  Not from me, however….I find I judge these things much less harshly when they cost a dollar, and that makes it much more enjoyable for me.

Twilight:  Eclipse:  Again, an offering that is clearly not targeted in even the vaguest way to a fella like me…I will take the high road and say ‘I’m sure you’ll enjoy this, if this is the kind of thing you like’.

Next up:  July

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